Although I blog a lot about things going on off campus, The Spyzguyz Report is really about you; the college student. This is a post that I think is very relevant to all college kids and is possibly the most important thing you will read in your life (drumroll). SLUTS!. How do you know if that cute 7 you just went back with will make your balls feel like they got slit open with a hot butter knife in 3 weeks? I’ve never had an STD but if that’s what they actually feel like then you should break out a pen and paper right now and take some notes. There are actually many ways to tell if a woman is a slut, some more efficient than others. If the test results tell you that you will never be able to have a civilized piss for the rest of your life, she was probably a slut. If she leads you into the back room during the party and lets you bang her on top of the Kappa Sig washing machine, she was probably a slut (my bad guys). If your girlfriend enjoys going down on other dudes in the back seat of cars with people watching, she’s definitely a hoe fa show. But how can you figure out if the girl is a slut before you get involved in all these sexual misadventures? Well thanks to my COMM330 class (the best class I have ever taken in my life and one all UD students should take regardless of their major) I can provide you with these answers. So next time your feeling a little drunk and frisky, instead of spitting your mediocre game or wandering the dance floor for something to dry hump, try asking a young lady this simple question….
HEY SEXY THANG…SO, LIKE…DID YOUR PARENTS NEGLECT YOU AS A CHILD??? Research in communication has shown that sluts develop at an age much younger than you think. Yes, the girl who gave you a hand job in the back of the school bus in 7th grade was a slut, but she had been playing these games for a lot longer than you think. What I mean is, men consider woman to be sluts based on the amount of sexual activity they partake in. But that’s a misconception, being a slut is a mentality that is only seen by others via the sexual activity of the woman. Attachment styles during childhood explain how this mentality forms. Childhood attachment styles are the ways that a baby relates with their caregiver (parents) during the babies upbringing. Research has proven that childhood attachment styles are very closely related to intimate relationships as an adult. If the caregiver is consistent and reliable in meeting the child’s needs, the child will develop a secure base or a secure attachment to the caregiver. A child with a secure base can regulate their own emotions more efficiently and can trust the caregiver to care for them. However, if the caregiver is inconsistent in meeting a child’s needs then the child will develop an insecure attachment to the caregiver. There are two types of insecure attachment: Avoidant Attachment & Anxious Ambivalent Attachment. Avoidant attachment comes from parents who consistently fail to meet child’s needs. These very impressionable babies will develop a relationship understanding where they don’t expect other people to be there for them. This child will have confidence in themselves but not have confidence in other people. This can develop from parents who neglect their children but it can also come from parents who smother their children with love (because although the child gets attention, they never have the chance to develop as an individual). The anxious-ambivalent child is the nervous and neurotic child. When the parents fail to meet their needs the child becomes anxious and develops doubt in themselves and doubt in others. These children will have low self confidence because their parents have made them feel like they are not important. (Theres a third category called Disorganized which is an attachment style that develops in children who are abused mentally, physically, or by Jerry Sandusky…they develop serious mental issues and are commonly institutionalized…so there not sluts)
Starting to sense a slut? Well now see how our shitty parents have made us fucked up adults.
The child with the secure base will grow up be the coolest kid in school. They develop high confidence in themselves and others. They desire intimacy but can rely on themselves if they don’t get any. So if you went out to a party last weekend and couldn’t get laid and got really upset over it, blame your parents because you have an insecure base. With that base you will develop these kinds of fucked up (but very interesting) adult attachment styles. The Dismissive adult is the avoidant-attachment child (Steven Glansberg) who avoids intimacy entirely because they have no trust in other people. The Preoccupied adult is the anxious ambivalent child who NEEDS intimacy. They have low self confidence but have confidence in other people. They need intimacy in order to feel good about themselves and can’t handle the idea of not having any. So if you’ve read this far gentlemen you have found your slut! But if you want a threesome, you better hope her friend has a fearful-avoidant attachment style. This is the person who wants intimacy but is afraid of it. In other words, it’s the chick you banged who never called you back. They pursue intimacy but then run away when they get it (which is perfect for most guys). This comes from the avoidant attachment child. They have self confidence but no trust of others. In short, slutty girls develop from children with insecure bases. These insecure bases develop into intimacy problems as adults (preoccupied & fearful-avoidant) that cause woman to have an unconscious need for intimacy that was denied to them as a child. This often comes at the woman’s expense (sluts tend to be the girls who run home crying a lot) and at a man’s advantage. However guys, know that you are just as capable of all these intimacy problems and that you probably depend on these slutty girls to get laid because your insecure yourself.
So there you have it, girls who’s parents neglected them are probably the chicks your gonna hook up with this weekend (and the guys you girls aren’t going to hook up with). But this really isn’t just about sluts, (it was when I started writing this article) it’s about all of us. Everybody can relate to these types of attachment patterns in their relationships. Most people will fall into more than one category and if you don’t like the one your in all you have to do to fix it is go through years of therapy.
Gentlemen, I hope I taught you the very important lesson of identifying sluts. Maybe I even taught you something about yourself that you might might not like.
Ladies, when a guy calls you a slut its your parents fault.
Parents, know that if your child ends up a porn star you have nobody to blame but yourself.