The Do’s & Don’ts Of The “Dage”

This is a piece I wrote for a campus newspaper called The Black Sheep. I see it as some of my finer work and decided to share it on my blog.

Dage: To rage during the day.

Wow it’s already March! Pretty soon it will be warm enough outside to have an excuse to walk the streets of Newark on a sunny Saturday afternoon completely obliterated. Yup, I’m talking about the good old fashioned dage! A college tradition as old as the state of Delaware, there’s nothing a bro likes more than to put on his vintage Latrell Sprewell Knicks Jersey and play some real intense games of can jam. However, just as with anything in life, there are some guidelines to daging (or is it dayging?) that you best respect if you don’t want it to rain on your backyard kegger. So without further ado, I give you the do’s and don’ts of the dage.

DO: feel free to climb atop roofs. An unspoken rule of the dage is that the higher up you get the cooler people think you are.

DON’T: jump off the roof. We all want our Almost Famous moment but nothing ruins a banging dage faster than a swan dive into a crowd of people.

DO: Plant seeds. Very rarely do I see guys able to pull some chick out of a dage and back to his shag pad. However, a dage is very good for planting seeds for later that night. Think about it; a seed grows by applying water and sunlight, just like a potential hookup grows by applying beer and sunlight. If you listen to me you will be very happy by nightfall when harvest season arrives.

DON’T: Wear A Lebron Jersey. There’s no better way to declare yourself a front-running douche bag than by rocking a Lebron Jersey (or any Heat jersey for that matter). The thought of Lebron Hoisting the NBA championship trophy makes me want to projectile vomit all over my laptop. There are so many cooler alternatives to the Lebron Jersey. For instance, my friend fancies wearing a Wally Szczerbiak Timberwolves jersey, and who doesn’t love that seven foot Spaniard? I myself thought it was downright hilarious when I saw a black guy wearing a Kyle Korver jersey. If you insist on being like every other guy by wearing a basketball jersey when you dage, at least be creative with your choice of jersey.

DO: Participate in dage sports such as Can Jam and Cornhole. Chicks love athletes, and at a dage when woman think your good at cornhole…they wanna see HOW good you are at cornhole (wink wink). Save beer-pong and civil war for after the sun sets, a dage is the time to show everybody that you’re like Kenny Powers with a frisbee.

DON’T: Do the stupid stuff that you usually do during the night. Believe it or not, cops can actually see better when it’s light out. Therefore, that bush you love to pee in on South Chapel is a little more visible when the suns up. Think you can make it across the courtyards with a beer in hand? Think again! You may want to squeeze your 7 friends into the backseat of your Honda Civic, but you can’t. If you get into a little fisticuffs in front of the Grotto’s porch, you best believe it will earn you a ride with the honorable UDPD. You just can’t attempt to ride your longboard back to Ivy, totally trashed, and expect nobody to notice, that’s the bottom line.

DO: Take a nice long nap before you go out at night. Only scrubs and freshmen can’t make it out at night after a hardcore dage. Don’t be one of these. Get back to your place, reflect on how you and your friends daged so hard motherf**kers wanted to find you. Then hit the bed, and dream about the awesome night ahead of you.

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