Alex Turner is here to save rock stardom

What ever happened to the rock star? The super cool guy who can destroy a hotel room, do copious amounts of drugs, and sleep with three woman in one night. The youth used to look up to the rock star. Girls wanted him and guys wanted to be him. He was a counterculture idol in a much cooler way than biker gangs or ISIS. Was it a 70’s and 80’s thing? Do drugs and alcohol no longer mix with musical talent? Does anybody know who the lead singer of the Black Keys is? Does anybody care? What I’m saying is it just seems like you never hear stories anymore of a drunken musician climbing on the roof during a party to scream “I am a golden god” before  throwing himself into the pool and that pisses me off.

Thank god I found the Arctic Monkeys. I know they have been around since 2006 but I only became a superfan a month ago. I have all 5 of their studio albums loaded into my six-CD changer in my car with a mix tape of my favorite ‘Monkeys songs loaded into the extra slot. So yeah, I’ve gone a little Arctic Monkeys crazy.

I’ve been a big fan of brit-rock for awhile now bouncing between The Fratellis The Wombats and The Libertines but I can say with reasonable certainty that the Arctic Monkeys are the most talented of the bunch. Their sound has matured from upbeat-nightlife music to slow churning heavier sounding ballads and then back again to the aggressive sounding, fast-paced rock that you can’t help but bang your head to.

But the glue to all their music and what sets them apart from the aforementioned Fratellis, Wombats, and Libertines (who all do fast-paced rock very well) is Alex Turner’s lyrics. Who is Alex Turner you say? He is the poignant little brit on vocals and lead guitar for the Arctic Monkeys and he’s as cool as the Fonz and he dresses like him too.

His lyrics are like poetry. Throughout the Arctic Monekeys five album discography he explores issues common to all twenty somethings like cheating and lying about it (Dance Little Liar), dating the wrong person (Crying Lightning), and going out at night for the sole purpose of trying to get laid (Dancing Shoes). But his lyrics are so distinct and original that you know you are listening to an Arctic Monkeys song when you hear them.

“Oh there ain’t no love / No, Montagues or Capulets / 
Just banging tunes and DJ sets / And
 dirty dancefloors and dreams of naughtiness,” sings Turner on I Bet You Look Good on the Dancefloor. “Don’t get me wrong though there’s boys in bands
 / And kids who like to scrap with pool cues in their hands
 / And just ’cause he’s had a coupla cans / 
He thinks it’s alright to act like a dickhead,” Turner chants on A Certain Romance.

All this musical talent is great, but what makes Turner a rock star is his coolness

He seems as if he is operating on two or three different painkillers at a time and doesn’t give too much of a fuck about anything. Everything from his Manchester drawl to his greaser haircut screams rock star. He has dated model Alexa Chung and actress Arielle Vandenburg and wrote a song about how he is tired of getting hit on by woman with boyfriends. He also fucks his guitar on stage.

I don’t know if Turner and the Monkeys blow coke or destroy hotel rooms, but Alex is the closest thing we have today to a modern rock star. He might not be Jim Morrison, but he can climb on my roof anytime.


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